


Alone and Hating It

by SamuelJames



Series: An A-Z of Beacon Hills [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Adoption Related Issues, Anti-American Terms, Gen, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 10:19:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6150367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamuelJames/pseuds/SamuelJames
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sure nobody wants to kill him but London isn't much better than Beacon Hills.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone and Hating It

**Author's Note:**

> _**Title:** Alone and Hating It_   
>  _**Character:** Jackson Whittemore_   
>  _**Rating:** 18+ (for swearing)_   
>  _**Summary:** Sure nobody wants to kill him but London isn't much better than Beacon Hills._   
>  _**Disclaimer:** This transformative work has been created purely for entertainment purposes. No profit is made or sought. No copyright infringement is intended._   
>  _**Archiving Information:** Please do not archive elsewhere on the net or in other formats/languages._

Jackson hates London, he's not popular or on a team - let alone captain of one. School is different here, less rigidly defined social structures though still with clear winners and losers. History is taught with a different take on things and as far as he can tell nobody even knows what lacrosse is. There's a soccer team but when he'd mentioned it someone had quickly corrected him, football - said with a sneer. The smile that got him places before has no effect here. Potential friends or love interests are all immune. He stopped trying after three days, struggling to shut out every whispered comment about him.

The abilities he wanted are why he knows he's a poser to some and an arrogant wanker to others. To one pretty girl he'd sat next to in class, he's a smarmy yank. He'd only asked what page they were on but she'd told her friends afterwards what she thought. He doesn't fit here with his too bright smile and hates when teachers call on him to read or answer questions.

He eats lunch by himself, nobody is mean to his face and the novelty of a new boy wears off but the isolation hurts. He misses Danny desperately and tries not to show it when they Skype. He misses Lydia and still loves her even though they agreed not to do the long distance thing. The kanima didn't need a pack but his wolf does and it's there all the time, this part of him that wants to be with Derek and Isaac and even McCall. He never got to experience that feeling, being around other wolves - and if he'd been a little less insecure a little less fucked up he could have had that.

Lydia is a tether, her love brought out his wolf after all, but he needs an anchor. The full moons test him and it's his parents that anchor him, or more accurately the need to not be a problem for them. Their expectations weigh on him like an actual chain stopping his wolf from letting loose. If he'd been better, Matt wouldn't have had him to control and he can't put them through more upset. He's not their son but needs to be the perfect son. He tries to focus on the fact that they chose him and that they wanted a child, but even if he does everything right he can never be theirs. He wants to roll his eyes every time he's introduced to a new colleague or friend of his parents and they tell him he looks just like his dad. He reigns in that impulse though and follows his mother's social cues of trying to make people feel welcome. His dad shoots him glances sometimes when he oversteps some line he didn't know about and he tries his best when they drag him down to be polite instead of letting him hide out in his room.

At least in Beacon Hills he had status, friends, his captaincy. He's always had that emptiness since he found out he was adopted but at least it could be glossed over with lacrosse and school. He had parties and nights at Danny's. He had the smartest girl in school loving him and had to play it cool so people wouldn't think he really liked her. Maybe truly letting her in would have filled some of the emptiness. Maybe he should have talked to Danny more, the only person that Jackson has ever fully trusted. Lydia wasn't a symbol of success like the Porsche but he'd acted like she was, loved being seen with her.

It's exhausting having to be on all the time, watching what you say and projecting the right image. It's a delicate balance of deflecting questions and giving enough that people don't think you're being distant. The only time he's come close to letting his guard down completely was with his best friend. At least in Beacon Hills, his strategies worked for him but he's so fucking lonely here sometimes. He's not used to being on the outside of things and he hates it, his wolf really hates it. He'd try if he knew what to do but it's too hard when London's got a whole different set of rules.


End file.
